Every person has their own opinion (agenda) about what you should do, the pace in which you should do it and how. They make it seem like you would offend them if don’t. When the opinion comes from someone you respect and honor, the knee-jerk response may be to follow their blueprint for your life.
However AND, it is important to value your own opinion, to go at your own pace and live up to your own agenda. You are the one who has to live with the consequences.
Every person has a separate agenda than you. This is the spice of life: the reason there is so much variety in everything. This is a great thing. (Vital in being sensitive to what you want in life: Live Your Own Agenda!)
If your choice differs from the way another thinks or feels you ought to go, they may take it personally. Consider this a warning…they usually do.
Please note: you can not afford to care. Your needs and desires will never be met if you do. This is not your job to decipher OR take care of their emotions around your decision. Everyone gets to have their freedom (of choice). And so do you.
I have experienced a few friends who have taken my decisions personally because I didn’t follow their instruction disguised as a suggestion. They volunteered their opinions, never checking in to see how I felt about any of it, then chose to be angry or offended when the discovery was made that I wasn’t going to follow their instruction and thus left my life. Some have returned as their ‘personal’ sting subsided. I thank all of it as it has been a great training camp for me to stand grounded in my life decisions.
Fortunately and unfortunately I have lived through this, so I am able to help my clients navigate through this bizarre terrain of reactions.
Most of all, the above situations have trained me for my greatest teacher, my husband. He is the one person, whose opinion matters the most to me. He thinks I am a dope and an amazing woman. This has been difficult to live up to in the moments when I haven’t felt so awesome.
He is a hard grader: remember, he thinks I am dope, so his expectations of me are quite high. When I shared that I decided to write a book, he said, “FINALLY!”
When it hit number #1 on Amazon, he was like, ‘Cool. That’s great, Babe. What’s next?’
(By the way, this question, wasn’t rhetorical, clutch the pearls!)
After he said this, he was done. This is how he supports. I want more, where is the confetti? Where are the cake and the candles?
I had a choice to make: either resent him for not expressing support the way I had it laid out in my head (my fantasy) OR re-learn how to get excited for myself and be my own inspiration. And celebrate me. Over time, I chose the latter, because being disappointed or mad wasn’t getting me what I wanted: to be happy.
Through these experiences, I realized if I am doing anything solely for his approval (or anyone else’s), then this is incorrect/wrong at the gate. If he is stressed or preoccupied with his own life and his response isn’t that of a Lifetime movie leading man, I am going to be crushed. Truth: in the past, this had been me.
I had to create another way. External reward or accolades are NEVER as sweet as what it feels like to follow your own agenda/your own heart. Maintaining independence within my marriage is total poo-poo on what society says you are supposed to do in marriage. But I gotta tell Ya, there is nothing sexier than a grounded woman. It is like perfume to your mate.
The clearer and clearer I become in sharing my heart, the more attracted he is to me. I become irresistible to him. It is like relationship renewal, that ‘thing’ that attracted him to me in the first place permeates. #GirlPower
I had a client who always craved approval from everyone but herself. *Brenda used to check and doubled check if what she was doing was right from other’s perspective. She was needy, meaning she needed other people to co-sign her direction, approve who she was. People in her life took her for granted and she could never seem to do anything right in their eyes. Therefore, she was disappointed and unhappy, a lot!
In our work together, she is realizing that people will never be happy with her/can’t please them 100% of the time, so she is practicing, shining the light on herself. Brenda went back to school, even though it looked crazy to her friends. She is gaining momentum and practicing following her own agenda. She is getting better and better at following her own inspiration.
Not everyone will celebrate you in the way you want them to or the way that you imagine (no one is a mind reader) and frankly, they have their own life to worry about. Do your best not to come from a needy place. It is a repellent vs an attraction.
Therefore, share your new venture, because it deserves to be shared. You get to be witnessed as you acknowledge yourself and be celebrated. This is a powerful position because it is non-attached to anyone’s reaction except your own. You get to keep your excitement and inspiration. It isn’t contingent on someone else’s response. You get to have it and own it. This is true power.
Do you dare take your life by the reigns and take command? Let me know