To think that less than 30 days ago, it wasn’t even a twinkle in my eye. I am in a group coaching program called The Illuminators, which is a dope group of entrepreneurs. This group is led by my business coach and mastermind partner Tina Brinkley Potts.
She casually (read: calculated) sent me a text informing me of her next launch date for books (she is a business strategist and online marketer) and asked if I wanted to be on board. Cussing and fussing, I accepted and put down the phone. I had 16 days.
Where to begin? I asked my clients if they could ask me anything about pleasure, womanhood, confidence, what would they want to know. I gathered their questions and began to write. I worked and cried off and on for days. Constant doubt lived inside my chest.
My husband was on holding (me) duty until I could clear my head. I went back to my computer and opened the app where I was writing my book and all the answers to the questions were G-O-N-E! My husband’s duties increased as he kept me from sharp objects! Puff the Magic Dragon: gone!
I wanted to picket, I wanted someone to pay and YET, I viscerally understood that the answers to those questions where just the tip of the iceberg of what wanted to be birthed from me. Then I really got scared, how could I do this? Write about this? Say what needed to be said? With the words, that need to be spoken? In a way that would be
Then I really got scared, how could I do this? Write about this? Say what needed to be said? With the words, that need to be spoken? In a way that would be authentic AND resonate with women? I had lost too many days, I was never going to make this deadline, this goal…’How in the world, can I do this?’
I desperately wanted to show up for myself for fear that I would always be reaching and never arriving. The way I see it, I could show up, produce and play full out OR remain my own best-kept secret. I reached out for support and shared with my group (publicly) my intention of hitting publish, not in Neverwery but X date.
I called an accountability partner to inform him what time, I was going to hit publish. I hit publish, I poured myself a glass of wine, looked at my computer and everything went silent. Good, bad or indifferent: in that moment, I stopped giving MY power away to fear and boldly stood up for myself.
Update 6/17: For a courage boost, I think back to this experience to remind myself, I CAN do what seems impossible and then I get to work.