Non-negotiable change is when you become aware it is the only way you can have some internal peace.
Your brain will inform you (repeatedly) why it can’t be done, shouldn’t be done, give you a delayed date to begin.
This is the very reason why you must leave the brain and ask your heart.
This isn’t easy to do though, is it? We have been trained to think and only trust our thinking mind, otherwise, we are not considered part of the club: (insert) smart. You get placed in the ‘other pile’.
Who doesn’t want to be considered smart? Nonsmart people aren’t included in important conversations. Smart people get brownie points for showing how cerebral they are.
Making a change isn’t easy. Especially when friends and family have finally digested the last change you made. Making a change is scary. It feels like you have everything, BUT support from those who are the closest to you.
Making a change though is necessary when it is the first thing, you think of when you wake up, the last thing you think of when you go to sleep, and makes you believe your life’s plan should be crumbled in a ball in the trash. Or maybe only I felt this way…
I realized that massage therapy was really something I wanted to do, shortly after I finished college and I was searching for a job in my industry of study. I sent away for the massage therapy brochure, once I got it in the mail, I put it away. I kept convincing myself, it wasn’t the right time.
Dreaming is for children and I have to be serious—I gotta pay rent and ‘adult’.
Fast forward a couple of years, I am in the dream job of fashion. Only this is everyone else’s idea of a dream job. I became a fashion forecaster for a fiber marketing brand. I had ‘made it’…cue The Jefferson’s show music.
Only, I wanted something more. I didn’t feel like determining skirt lengths was going to move the needle for me. I wanted something legacy building. I became restless. Have you ever felt this way?
I remember being at work and picking up the phone at my desk. I made an appointment with The Swedish Institute to be interviewed. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears. What have I done?
I got off the train at the stop I had been getting off since I was a young teen. 27th Street & 7th Avenue in Manhattan. I walked past my Alma mater to the very next block for the interview of my new life direction.
When I used to hang out at a friend’s dorm, I could see directly into the classroom windows at the Swedish Institute and peer at the ‘weirdos’ taking off their clothes and lying down on massage tables.
Now, I was going to be the new weirdo in town. Things got real as the interviewer looked down at my hands and informed me that I would have to cut my nails! Of course, she told me this AFTER I signed my life away and enrolled in the program. This seems frivolous, in comparison to helping people heal, however, my nails were part of my identity. Strange, yet true.
The next phase of my life was underway, I had two years of study and state boards to complete before I had to figure out my fashion job. So I thought.
I was my department’s guinea pig of travel, which I didn’t mind. See the world on the company’s dime, eat at wonderful restaurants, talk fashion and buy fashion. Umm, yes, please. I had gone to 6 countries in Asia and repeated trips throughout Mexico.
The fork in the road came when I learned that missing one class during the curriculum meant I would have to repeat the semester. The department had a three-week trip planned to Europe. My boss at the time was going to do the trek, she noticed a scheduling conflict, so you know who was next in line to go. Instantly, I knew I had to give my notice. My time safety net had disappeared in one meeting.
However, it didn’t feel like much of a choice. Go on the trip, delay my personal dream/take the semester over and live in the constant angst of having another trip come up months later? I was more afraid of not following through with my dream because I feared I wouldn’t get the courage again. That I would fall back to sleep in adulthood.
The thing I had to grapple with was my ego. I thought I would have more time to relish in the feeling of faux hierarchy. The thing I love most about my job was watching everyone’s reaction when I told them my job title: fashion forecaster.
Here I was again: beginning again. Falling from grace and going back to school. The feeling of being alone, because my soul/heart was calling me to make a change. Into a field that no one close to me knew anything about. Deciding to start over which no one I knew EVER did.
I thought of my mother who died never knowing what it felt like to do something for a living that she loved. She knew what she wanted to do but always talked herself into a later date that never came. I didn’t know if I would love massage therapy, but I knew I didn’t love fashion, so I made a plan and gave my notice. I had to leap in order to find out.
This story is almost 2 decades old. Since this time, my heart asked me to follow it again and I became a life coach. It was birthed out of massage therapy. Long story longer…It is possible I wouldn’t have become a life coach without leaving fashion. I certainly wouldn’t be the type of life coach I am without massage.
Through my own personal experience of making a non-negotiable change in my life, I have been able to help my coaching clients take leaps that seemed impossible. They have gone back to school, had a baby after 40, started a romance, lost weight, learned how to speak up for their dreams, ask for what they want in the bedroom, just to name a few.
Is your heart tugging at you to make a non-negotiable change? Here is what you do:
- Follow the breadcrumbs, because the big picture may scare you (Read: it will. A breadcrumb is more digestible).
- Seek support, especially when those who are closest to you will attempt to make your dreams more palatable for them.
- Trust your knowing: listen to your heart.
- Only address the brain when you are giving it a directive. This means once your heart and your gut have given you a green light.
- And Leap!
If you need support in leaning into what is no longer non-negotiable for you, book a session at http://fondaclayton.com/lets-talk