Do you ever talk to yourself as if someone is there?
You better! This is uncommon but it is sound. It goes against what is popular, but look at people who follow the masses are they happy with their lives?
Why in the world do we trust the opinion of other people over your own when it comes to how and what to do with your life?
The saying goes, that you ‘shouldn’t’ talk to yourself. And by all means, don’t answer yourself (or you will look crazy) OR go crazy.
When a person discovers that you might indeed be indulging yourself with your own counsel, the person is searching your face searching for answers with a look of deep concern, touching their heart asking, “You weren’t talking to yourself, where you?”
On the surface, this appears to be a true concern and perhaps it is, but usually, it speaks to the frowning upon relying and trusting yourself that makes people leery. How is it that you can look to yourself for your own answers? Don’t you need to check outside (of self) to other people for their validation, opinion or stamp of approval?
Society LOVES the idea of people they know of being able to think and feel for themselves, just not necessarily people that are in their circle. That’s just too close and who do you think you are anyway?
Do you bother telling the truth that indeed your best answers are found from within or lie and say that you were singing a song?
Sometimes it is just easier to shrug: you don’t have to lie and you don’t have to explain that the best answers are found inside.
Ask yourself the tough and interesting questions.
Yes, answer yourself.
If a friend were asking your advice, you wouldn’t leave them hanging right?
At the very least, you would listen intently because sometimes there is no answer at that exact moment. But do by all means ask yourself the questions.
This investigation is necessary to figure out what you are thinking, feeling and what are your next steps. When you speak with your Self, you learn to hear what your gut says about what to do or not to do.
The best answers are found inside. Usually always, but only with practice. Talk to yourself, so that you can tell the difference between the voices: your ego and your source.
They are not the same and the more you practice, the tricker the ego is in mimicking your source. But perhaps, this is for another blog post.
Women often talk to process because there is so much commentary to consider: her mother and/or father (guardian), her culture, society, social scene (class), gender roles, her industry, her ego and her soul. It is a noisy crowd in there. And rarely, are they on one accord.
To add another voice (outside voice) or opinion seems too daunting, therefore to elicit the advice of your friend(s), partner or boss, feels like a mini-war, when you already have a mediation going down in your head.
This feels overwhelming because all of this is taking place in your head. Your knowing (man or woman) doesn’t live in your head, this is in your body: your heart and your gut.
As a girl child, you are taught to be pleasing, to be accepted by the social group important to her, not to rock the boat or cause a fuss, speak when spoken to, be nice, panties up and skirts down, be a good girl (feel free to insert more unwritten stipulations and expectations).
These outside influencers and parameters are taught and they are so ingrained that they no longer need to be repeated because they are lodged in your psyche. These tapes take up a lot of space in your mental database.
It causes you to question: EVERYTHING. There is a whole pile of shoulds to avoid, it is so easy to trip and fall from grace. Checks and balances of everyone else’s expectations of you that you can’t even talk to yourself in private.
One way you can gain support is therapy, a life coach or an unbiased friend who can peel away at the psychological onion and name the limiting beliefs. Sometimes, even eliminate a few. The importance of identification is to recognize whose voice (limiting beliefs) is it and thus who you are not.
To question old paradigms, stigmas and roles are paramount to personal care. You must have an ally on the inside or a myriad of nasty circumstances await and grow, i.e. stress, body pain, overeating, undereating, disease, bad relationships to name a few.
I am an advocate for therapy or life coaching. I have had therapy and coaching AND I am a coach. I continue to receive coaching as I am always striving for more beauty, love, and joy in my life. I can’t coach the whole world, but I can share that seeking professional help works! Getting clear and free doesn’t require either of these things, but they are faster tracks to getting you the life that you desire for yourself. Personally, I received therapy at a time that was so crucial for me. I spoke with a friend (her suggestion), but I just went in circles whereas now I have a path of forward momentum.
You have an ally inside of you, but sometimes you gotta dig deep to recognize her. That quiet, small voice that feels like a sweet breeze, there she is. She doesn’t push or impose, she is the polar opposite of the ego and yet she is powerfully subtle.
Remember earlier, I slotted ‘practice’ as a necessary tool? It is necessary to train your emotional/spiritual ears to hear her properly. Now, I am not saying that it is easy, that is why I am talking about practice. As you consider this, be gentle and do your best not to do this with your head. We are trained to think, we are told in order to be taken seriously, we must be critical thinkers.
Emotion and feelings weren’t and aren’t celebrated, so these things became something you did some other time or let these skills die because you were trained that they didn’t have any real value. You dislodged from your knowing aka the bigger parts of yourself and rely on your believing and knowing from the neck up.
But this doesn’t have to remain the story, you can access your spirit/soul connection. The fastest tools I have found to be effective are closing your eyes and breathing, meditation or writing. The brain or ego whatever you want to call it slow down when these tools are being exercised and she is able to spring forward.
She is everywhere. Always present. Always sending you her love and attention. She doesn’t go on and on, her answers are to the point and sound.
She says, ‘Be still, all is well, yes, no, go now, not now, wait, you are perfect, move away, you are love, quiet.’
It takes a trained ‘ear’ and the ability to expose the imposters inside constantly talking up a storm.
She will wait a lifetime for you to see/hear her (the true you), she is your soul, the observer. She holds the truth of you. Not the story of the toos and nots: too short, too tall, don’t know enough.
She is the perfection of you, your essence, your power, the feminine. If you will allow yourself to turn to her, sit at her feet and see what she has to say about you. It is a beautiful story that you will adore and hold sacred. It may scare you enough to make your eyes spring water, but stick with it.
How? Every statement (is a prayer), every emotion that causes you a feeling of pain, question or heavy emotion: ask, who is speaking? I can assure you, it is not her, your soul.
Let’s put it to the test: you are getting dressed to go to an event, standing barefoot in front of your closet, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, instantly you suck in your gut, pinch your thighs, pull back your hair, pluck a few grays, squint your eyes, wiggle your arm, ugh! Why am I going to this event, anyway? Maybe, I will sit on the couch with some (insert favorite comfort food).
No one is going to take me seriously if I wear that! What will I say to make the biggest impact?! Nothing fits me the way I want it to, this skirt is too short for my thighs—STOP!
This is not your true voice. We are conditioned to compete with women passive aggressively and sometimes not even passively, all of it is brutal and draining.
The measuring stick of acceptance, you throw everything at yourself, essentially to protect yourself, yet it inflicts so much pain and inner turmoil. A measure of self-loathing or at the very least low grade, not good enough (disappointment) sits at the helm of your domain.
In order to gain positive momentum, just ask, ‘Who is speaking?’
A power-filled, non-judgmental question in order to recognize the fraudulent talk.
Ok, what now? Sit down with feet firmly planted on the ground, close your eyes, place your hand over your heart and tell yourself what you heard as a child or what you wished you heard as a child and as an adult, say it aloud:
I am here
I am whole
My passion is what I am meant to do
It is ok, I am ok.
For the daring and in the mirror, now open your eyes/look into your reflection and say:
I am awesome
All is well
I am perfect
I love you
Inhale deeply through your nose, while exhaling say your affirmations. It may feel foreign, you may cry, keep going until it feels right or you feel quiet. For good measure, say these things to yourself, a lot and often, BEFORE a meltdown occurs.
By the way, I am NOT being critical of having a meltdown, I am saying that meltdowns usually happen when you deny your feelings and emotions. The validity of them or the fact that you even have them.
It is good practice and you will be glad, you defied the odds and spoke to yourself.
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