You feel empty inside your core. You like doing for others, but you feel a bit taken for granted. You can’t really remember the last time someone has taken care of you because you are usually the one taking care of everyone else.
When you give out of obligation or habit, mainly because it is expected of you (but you don’t want to), please be clear, it is a violation of the worst kind. No one outside of your being understands what actually happened. You have betrayed your own trust. Probably not the first time. And unless you take a stand it will not be the last time.
Squeaky wheels get fixed.
A closed mouth don’t get fed.
If it appears as if noTHING is out of order, then it isn’t. But you know. Every time you say yes when you mean no depletes your reserves, which leaves you scraping the bottom of the barrel. Frankly, you have been kissing the bottom for a long time. You tell yourself that you won’t do that again. But, you do. Why? Because you haven’t made YOU important enough. (yet)
Putting yourself first is NOT, I repeat is NOT a bad thing. It is necessary. No one knows what you want. No one is a mind reader.
If this is true and it is, then filling yourself up is your job.
Truth, you are running on autopilot and you barely know what you want, let alone let yourself have ‘it’. If you don’t know, how in the world are you supposed to find it, express it or be it?
Somehow, somewhere you got the messaging that you are supposed to (fill in the endless blank). Regardless if you want to, have the time, attention, energy or space, you get it done. You don’t want to be labeled, that kind of person. You know, selfish.
And yet the person/people who continually assume that you are their yes person is being…SELFISH. It isn’t their fault though.
You trained them how to treat you. There was no boundary set up to train them to respect your time and your energy. It starts and ends with you, my love.
It isn’t your conscious fault either, you have been trained to say yes, to do the thing. After reading this, however, you can not not take responsibility for what you allow.
Have you ever done something for someone that put you out of your way, took up your time and or money and the person acted like you didn’t do anything? Here’s the thing, you don’t really know and you can’t read someone’s mind or their intentions.
You made an assumption because you wanted them to know this was a big inconvenience for you. However, you are tired and depleted so now because they didn’t make a big to do/fuss, you, My Love have been triggered.
Listen, they may be a dummy, but they aren’t reading this…you are. My concern is about you.
Is it what you even want? Is it even for you? Prolly not. All this sweat and sacrifice makes you a martyr. Martyr’s aren’t sexy. At all. On no planet anywhere. Ever.
Check in with yourself.
- Stop believing that you have to do it when you don’t want to (especially when you are on empty).
- Stop believing that you won’t get their approval aka love if you don’t do it.
- Stop believing that you will make it different when you have no plan. When you are reactionary, you are NOT in your power, you are putting out fires.
- Make a plan.
- Make boundaries.
Once you have boundaries, respect them. If you don’t, no one else will.
A Personal Note
In high school, I was known for saying no. I could say no with no explanation or story. My boundaries are on lock in the outside world.
The slippery slope for me is my romantic life. I made love different in my head. When I have felt depleted, empty or misunderstood (by life) there is usually some carnage in my romance. Some area where the boundary bridge has fallen down and I decided not to decide or pretend not to know.
If you don’t decide on purpose (with purpose) life/society or your mate will do it for you. Indecision will cost you. You can be left with circumstances that indecision let in.
It is important to take stock of your life and understand how you operate. What are your pitfalls? No judgment. You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. Notice it, make changes accordingly.
When you push past your limits of exhaustion, fatigue or illness, please note there is no extra prize. Pushing past your boundaries are what got you here in the first place. Rest is NOT overrated or optional. This is why boundaries are necessary.
Somewhere in your brain plays the tape, no pain no gain. There is only one you. Do what you can but only what you can. Love on yourself (obeying a boundary), then the people you love, if you can do something because you WANT to, do so and leave the rest.
We could swap stories of people we knew, who would give you the shirt off their backs and how they died too soon, too early. Consider this ‘love letter’ your wake up call.
Of course, this is withIN reason and in situations where there isn’t any perceived danger. Here is the thing, a lot of ‘danger’ is the fear of not being liked, loved or accepted.
What if, just for today, you decided that you are worthy. AND that perhaps if you are not free to say, you can allow your action to speak for you. What would that be for you? How would that empower you to see to it that your dreams and desires come to pass?
Again: You are worthy! Take Your Voice Back! Your Voice Does Matter. Careless and less about what others say or think about you and you will have the space to fulfill the dreams that are in your heart.
To do something you have never done, you have to access another place within you to get results you have never achieved. Feeling empty inside just isn’t optional, this is not a fully realized life. Put those boundaries in place, so that you have the energy to explore what quality of life you desire.
As Iylanla Vanzant says: What is in the cup is for me, what is in the saucer is for everyone else.
Decide how you want to feel. What would X result feel like? How will it improve your quality of life? What inspires you, sparked by motivation will create lasting results for you. Inspiration lives in the body and if you trust it, it will serve you well.
Are you ready to learn how to fill your own cup? Click here